Rest a while…

The lovely folks that provide my medication (for FREE!!!) called me yesterday, and as usual they peppered me with many questions, questions that are at times too personal for me. “Have you dealt with any depression?”, they asked.

I paused. I’m not supposed to deal with depression, but yes, I have fought with depression. Just that morning, as I drove to work, i felt like something was pulling me down in to the floorboard of my car. That something is fatigue, and I fight it every morning.  Recently, I have realized that it pulls my emotions down too. When a simple task ,like brushing your teeth, has you leaning over the sink in complete exhaustion, you start to ask yourself questions; “How long can I keep this up?” And with that one question, my thoughts turn dark. My mind looks out over the horizon of my responsibilities, and this fatigue that rests over my shoulders quietly reminds me “It’s all too much for you, you’re going to fail”. I shrug off the thought, and walk to the car, debating calling in sick and diving back in my bed. I have this debate every morning, and I take pride in knowing the “get yourself to work, boy” side of me wins the debate almost every day.

Yesterday, the fatigue was more intense than normal. As I grapple with it, it invites in depressive thoughts to fight with me in a 2 on 1 battle of my mind. But It has helped me to identify its source. As I pulled into my office parking lot yesterday, I reminded myself that I am more fatigued than normal because I had been pushing myself a little too hard the past two weeks.The late nights, road trips, and bike rides were catching up to me. I have been impressed with how well I’ve been doing, and I have been hoping the low carb diet was the key. I still feel the same, but now I see that my body was acting out like a 2-year-old who needed a nap. That helps me reign my thoughts in.

I left work 30 minutes early, planning on taking a nap just before church that night. I laid down, pulled the covers up, and woke up 4 hours later. The heaviness of fatigue was a little lighter and my thoughts, a whole lot brighter. That injection I was planning to take would have to wait until later. Sometimes the only answer is rest.

Mark 6:31 [Full Chapter]

And he said unto them, Come ye yourselves apart into a desert place, and rest a while…

Back in the saddle today at work and doing better. Still on the diet. More updates soon.

Jesus over MS

I’m over MS. Not healed of MS. But ready to be healed of MS. I am very fortunate to only really deal with fatigue. MS hasn’t affected my motor skills. I’ve never fallen. I’ve had some blurred vision, but the biggest problem is very frequent, strong, fatigue. It’s like having the flu…for 2 years straight.  But MS is NOT the most memorable thing that has ever happened to me, being filled with Holy Ghost is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me! I originally titled this blog “Over MS”, but I didn’t like it. I don’t want my whole life to just be focused on this illness. At a young age I knew I wanted my life to be lived for Him, and to help as many people get to Him as I can. Along the way, I’ve been hit with this chronic condition, but I will not spend my days being defined by it. Everyone has something they are carrying, and I’m not letting this stop me from living for Him. I’ll take Jesus over MS. I am believing God for a total healing, but of course, I am seeking out whatever remedies might help me along the way.

 

A doctor placed me on a medication named Copaxone last year. It’s a shot that I take three times a week. I stopped taking it last spring, and have been ignoring protests from loved ones to start-up again. That is, until I recently developed a new symptom where my legs burn. It doesn’t hurt at all, but it’s strong enough to keep me awake some nights. And if I do anything really physical, it really comes to life. That prompted me to schedule a visit with my doctor, and order more shots. I take my first injection tonight, but I have already seen improvement…

Three weeks ago, I started a low carb diet, and have practically eaten 0 sugar since starting. I have heard from others that low carb diets, in particular, the Ketogenic diet, is very effective for MS patients. I’m hoping that the results I’ve seen are a result of the diet. I took my youth group on a 16-mile bike ride last weekend and I noticed something. I was sore, and tired, but sitting at the dinner table that night, I realized my legs weren’t burning. I thank God for giving me strength to continue working in our youth group! I had three days of late nights and long church services with them, and I was shocked that my energy wasn’t completely depleted. I haven’t been completely unaffected; the past two days I have spent some time in recovery, but I am believing that I have had more energy in the past two weeks than I have had in a long time.

The question is, how much of the diet is a factor? I’m going to find out, and I’ll be using this blog to track my progress.